What do healthy boundaries look like?
Defining boundaries and needs is a different process for everyone. It is hard to define your boundaries when you are unsure what your needs and desires are. When trying to figure out what boundaries are needed and wanted in your life start by examining the areas where you feel depleted and exhausted. Ask yourself: “Why is that?” Are you giving too much of yourself? Are you constantly making yourself smaller to make others bigger? Does it feel as if there is not enough space for you? When you recognize these areas of your life it does not mean you have to rid of them completely but maybe it would be helpful and healing to limit your time around that activity, person or situation.
There are many different types of boundaries when it comes to relationships.
You can have mental boundaries, physical boundaries, emotional boundaries, social boundaries and spiritual boundaries. Understanding yourself in these areas is important so you can better understand your needs from others and from yourself. So often as caring, relational humans we can feel guilty when we set up rigid boundaries around us. When these feelings of guilt arise I would challenge you to ask yourself “Where is this guilt originating from? Is it from others telling me the way I “should” be?” If you are acting out of a place of “should” it is important to figure out where you learned that you should be this specific way and is that specific way of living serving you or draining you?
Sometimes the boundaries we set actually love the people around us more.
When we are constantly depleted we have nothing to give others, but when take time to refill ourselves and rest we have the ability to be present with the people who matter to us.
